Tag Archives: Joffrey

Game Of Thrones Season 2 Episode 7: “A Man Without Honour”


I’m doing really well with this late blogging thing, aren’t I? Well, here I am again, and I have chocolate and coffee and croissants and I’ve listened to a dupstep remix of the Harry Potter score so I don’t know where we are with this to be honest, not a clue, all I know is whump whump whump SUGAR HIGH which is enough to be getting on with.

No Dragonstone again this week but definite movement where that’s concerned seeing as it’s BUILDING UP TO THE GOOD SHIT YESSSSS PLEASE. Joffrey’s still ruling offscreen, Rickon appears again for more nuts, and MOST AWESOME the prize of Best Scene This Episode goes to the re-introduction of Jaime Lannister. It’s been a long time coming and doesn’t disappoint.

Overall, it’s a functional episode. It has some nice moments but most of it’s about setting up the pieces for the endgame of the series, now looming like a great big loomy thing – Daenerys’ scenes in Qarth had a bit of an adrenaline kick at the end of the last episode but that feels wasted somewhat this week, at least until Xaro and the guy who looks like he’s from the Crystal Maze prove that my fondness for the canny bastards is well placed.

Anyway. This is an episode rich in foreshadowing. It is paving the way for big things to come. It does this without being boring; functional, but spiced with fantastic moments and scenes and characters that really make this series the best thing around now, because it’s a filler episode that excites and delights and saddens and makes you think and usually this sort of episode would be tedious and blah in any other programme. I love Game of Thrones so much, so much. It’s characters sparking off against each other turned into an art form.

Yeah, if you thought I didn’t like it or something.

– Oh good we get to see Theon’s rage response to the loss of the Starks! Alfie Allen’s doing all right in this role, being a prize asshat. “It’s all just a game!” Theon crows as he hunts Bran and Rickon. Well, he’s not exactly wrong.


– Jon Snow spends his entire life being uncomfortable around people. It’s exhausting. Why is he anyone’s favourite character? Aside from the lovely Kit Harington I don’t actually see the charm. Yeah, he’s a good boy, but yawn. Ygritte is a nice kick up the arse for his scenes. Gives him something more interesting to angst about.


– The change of actors for Clegane is obvious and unfortunate but it’s good to have someone psychotic and mental back on the show, in Joffrey’s absence I was getting worried about the general sanity here. It was getting too normal. Oh wait he’s not hanging around to do anything violent. He’s just gone off to do it. Okay.

– Tywin doesn’t like mutton. Tywin makes sure his cup-bearer eats. Tywin does nothing without purpose. “My legacy will be determined in the coming months. Do you know what legacy means? It’s what you pass down to your children, and your children’s children. It’s what remains of you when you’re gone.” Arya’s tempted to stab him in the back but can’t because he’s projecting onto her and that would be rude. You can’t disrupt acting as fine as this. It’s just not cricket. Also it doesn’t fit. Arya isn’t that clumsy or obvious.

“Aegon… and his sisters.” GO ARYA GO also check out the best deployment of exposition ever. Well played, script writers.

“You remind me of my daughter,” says Tywin. Everyone sighs because of course she does, it’s spirited ladies from here to Qarth, and Cersei is the only other spirited lady you knew as a child. Oh Tywin. “I enjoy you, but be careful.”


“Killing’s the sweetest thing there is.” “Why are you always so hateful?” Oh perfect juxtaposition of scenes to illustrate the difference between Arya and Sansa. Arya’s too smart for her own good, and Sansa’s too good for her own good, and that is how they’re going to grow into kickass ladies. Sansa wants people to be better, like stories, so she’ll strive for goodness and the ideal and keeps seeing the potential for it in other people when they can’t see it in themselves. That’s a leader. Contrast her question to the Hound about his hatefulness with Jaime’s conversation with the other Lannister at the end of the episode; seeing the good in others. Arya only sees a path to an end. Now, I love Arya, but she’s not got a character arc, she’s got a plotline. When it comes to characters whole and entire, Sansa’s got so much more to do and achieve, and I really appreciate that.

– And now Dany and Xaro. Nothing really happens except pleading and anger on a staircase. I like Xaro but if he could stop telling us about his background and focus more on his now I’d be more interested. But I like him. There’s something of Littlefinger about him, but with more charm and less disdain. Also I don’t care about the dragons. She’ll get them back. It feels like an excuse to save SFX money.

– Ugh Jon Snow she’s gorgeous what is wrong with you, you utter pillock “YOU KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW” AND SHE’S RIGHT WE ALL KNOW IT

– LOVE YOU ROBB but let’s be honest this isn’t about anything other than him fancying the pretty medic lady whose name I still don’t know but I know she’s not Jeyne. WOO HOO FIELD TRIP I WONDER WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN WHEN THEY’RE ALONE TOGETHER.

– Roose Bolton wandering around being sinister just so we remember he’s there for Season 3. Okay. Okay! *Feeling ill*

– I love the slightly mad camerawork when Theon’s shown as in charge. Works so well. “It’s better to be cruel than weak.” Welllllllll, no.

– Oh THAT’S what’s with Rickon and nuts

– Irri ;_;

“No one can survive in this world without help. No one.” I love Ser Jorah but his relationship with Dany is so suspect. Emilia Clarke needs more to do and Iain Glen rocks, but this feels like we’re going over old ground when the show doesn’t need to.

– Jon Snow gets made fun of by Ygritte and everyone perks up because it’s funny and deserved. “Should have took me when you had the chance,” she says, and everyone laughs.

– Poor Sansa. Awesome Shae. The dangers of sex from Jon Snow’s perspective is something else, but it’s a real danger for Sansa, who is now directly at the most risk of all the Starks (apart from Bran and Rickon, except we know they’re away from Theon now). Stop whining Jon Snow. You’re not at risk of being married to a psychopathic, abusive king and be made to carry his children. Have your damn sex with the pretty willing lady who’d make you interesting. Meanwhile, Sansa’s bedroom is invaded by the Hound, why exactly did that happen?

– “I thought it would be less… less messy.” LIFE, LITTLE BIRD.

“Joffrey’s always been difficult.” WELL. Cersei’s main area of expertise is how to grab power from a husband that she loathed. I’m not sure this pep talk will have the desired effect. And Robert wasn’t half as much of a little shit as Joffrey. “Difficult”. Hahaha. Because obviously Cersei should have some sort of rapport with Sansa here, but Sansa’s protestation that she loves Joffrey is her defence against it. It’s distancing because it’s so patently untrue. She’s defending herself with words while Arya uses death. Best. Siblings. Ever.

“The more people you love, the weaker you are.” You are not Tywin, Cersei, however much you want to be. “Love no one but your children” – arguably Tywin doesn’t even love his children, and Joff is Cersei’s greatest liability while Jaime’s locked up.

– HELLO JAIME “There’s only one fat Lannister. If she was your mother, you’d know it.” oh you’ve been missed, J. Proving himself a good soldier, a good leader, remembering unimportant people. “It was the best day of my life.” I’m having flashbacks to Dr. Watson in Sherlock, missing war. “It’s like stepping into a dream you’ve been dreaming for as long as you can remember, and finding out that the dream is more real than your life.” Lovely. I can’t wait for him to be maimed. “It’s a good thing I am who I am. I’d have been useless at anything else.” That’s Jaime Lannister, right there, whole and entire. Perfect, sad, awesome scene.

“Will you betray her again, Jorah the Andal? Will you betray her again?” “Never.” Subtle world-building is subtle, with the reference to Valyria. Stop being awesome, show runners! I can’t cope with this!

“An upstart and a charlatan. Empires have been built by less. Those on the margins often come to control the centre and those in the centre make room for them, willingly or otherwise.” BEST POWER GRAB EVER LITERALLY CHILLING and I’m not even miserable that we had more magic thrown around because it was done so well and you know what I’m glad they’re giving Dany something to be scared of and Xaro was kind of awesome, let’s watch that again

– House of the Undying is actually a party house where everyone will get drunk and dance. This is not true. But wouldn’t it be nice for Dany to take her people to the beach for a change? All they do is work and stress and die.

– OH OH OH BRIENNE “Keep your hands off me, woman!” “Don’t enter without an invitation, MAN.” GOD I LOVE HER.

– One of the few times Catelyn Stark has actually been one of the most awesome people in the show. WELL PLAYED LADY. “Have you forgotten me, sir? I am the widow of your liege lord Eddard Stark, I am the mother of your king!”


– I was wondering what was missing. Tyrion. TYRION. FINALLY.

– Stannis Baratheon’s fleet is moving. I may have rubbed my hands with glee at the prospect of what’s coming.

– That look of sudden, slight shame when Tyrion tells Cersei she’s quoting their father is marvellous. She just wants to be the female version of Tywin, that’s all! Lena Headey is tremendous and I never seem to mention that, but she is, and gets Cersei perfectly. She’s a twisted monster but glorious and wicked and distressing and completely convincing. Contrasting her with Catelyn is so much fun. “Sometimes I wonder… if this is the price for what we’ve done. For our sins.” Hint: YES, IT IS.

– Discussing Joffrey’s utter utter madness in the open like this is sweetly, delightfully painful. Lena Headey and Peter Dinklage being so awesome. Tyrion and Cersei: they may loathe each other but at the end of the day they’re still siblings, they still need each other, and Cersei still needs Tyrion’s support because she wants to be Tywin but the closest she has is her little brother who she detests but but but he’s her brother. I love how problematic their relationship is. They clearly enjoy acting together.

– Just had to pause the show to have a breather because Cat is about to annoy the crap out of me, I can tell. WELL ACTUALLY she didn’t I was wrong, I admit it.

“IS THAT A WOMAN” Brienne’s all “Dude, what”

“Where did you find this beast?” “She is a truer knight than you. Kingslayer.” BEAST >:O

– Ugh I hate it when they cut away during an intense scene because Jaime was being awesome and Cat was being a noble but slightly unhinged mother and Theon’s being a dick and yet I don’t want to look away, it’s like in the books when he changes PoV for each chapter, it’s “UGH NO I WANTED MORE oh no wait I love this one UGH NO IT’S CHANGED AGAI– no hold on I can’t put this down”.

– Well we all saw this coming and I don’t think anyone’s been taken in.

– ENDING MUSIC IS BRILLIANT AND YES THEON YOU ARE A MONSTER DOING MONSTROUS THINGS YOU UTTER SHIT OF A MAN look I’ll feel sorry for him later. He’s pathetic. He’s a pathetic person with power.

Well. I love how much I enjoy being emotionally beaten up by this show. Next week:

Game of Thrones Season 2 Episode 4: “Garden of Bones”

OH HEY HI only read this if you a) have seen this week’s Game of Thrones and b) if you don’t mind me alluding to things that happen in the books that are a little spoilery but only vaguely and if you squint. If you want to go away and come back once you’re caught up, that’s fine, I don’t judge. x

Ladies and gentlemen and everything in between, I welcome you to episode 4 of season 2 of Game of Thrones, also known as episode 14 or ‘Garden of Bones’. YES, TIME FOR MORE SWEETNESS AND LIGHT ❤ it’s a packed episode so there’s LOTS of things that they’ve built towards with a few bits that those of us who’ve read ahead most likely weren’t expecting. But the pay-off is good and dudes I am so, so into this episode. It was satisfying. And dark.

This episode is packed with Starks (Bran, Jon Snow, Theon, Jaime and Cersei sit this one out, though the casket containing Ned’s bones gets a cameo) while Joffrey is being a little shit and Melisandre is completely naked again. And other things. Well, you know.

– HARRENHAL. In the opening credits! God it looks GOOD. QARTH! Oh hell I just squee’d.

“Do you hear that?” “No.” Oh hi normal people of Westeros, it’s good to see you being real people. And dying. Well, shit.

– Golly, it’s so good to see Robb again. Missed him more than I thought. What a fabulous opening, effective and cost-saving as well (you just know the Battle of Blackwater is going to kick ass). Battle of Whispering Wood: DONE. Bolton is WONDERFULLY sinister, suggesting torture by referring to his family’s motto – the flayed man. After reading A Dance With Dragons, even his voice sounds dark and shadowy and full of malice. Amazing casting. I hate him.

– “Jeyne Westerling”? Is that you? She has an actual character now! She’s from Volantis! She’s critical of our hero! I approve. Sadly. I approve sadly. What better way to fall in love than over a struggling enemy soldier having his leg hacked off? I love you, Robb. You’d be killer at speed dating. Look at him being all nice and honorable and decent like his dad. Oh just look at him. My heart is so heavy for that boy.

– Oh poor Sansa. “Leave her face! I like her pretty.” She’s being beaten for being Robb’s sister, because this series is all about families and power, and now Sansa has none of either and is suffering for that exact reason. It’s brutal. Sandor Clegane rips his cloak off to cover her! What a detail.

“LADY STARK. YOU MAY SURVIVE US YET,” says Tyrion, wonderingly, as Sansa walks from the room in which her betrothed has had her stripped and beaten in front of the court with her head held high. OH TYRION YES. I love Tyrion’s scenes with everyone, but he’s so good with Sansa. He understands, even if she doesn’t, and even though he feels awful for her, there’s a tinge of awe there as well. How many other teenage girls could have weathered an atrocious scene like that?

“You think dipping his wick will cure what ails him?” “There’s no cure for being a c*nt.” Bronn, you star.

– Joffrey’s a little shit, but we knew that. He is brilliantly dark and menacing though, and Jack Gleeson REALLY deserves some kind of recognition for his acting. He is unsettling and frightening, which is crazy given how young he is. I love hating him, I really do, because in every scene he delivers both by being outrageously and subtly evil.

“My favourite whoremonger” do you know many whoremongers, Renly? I love his loathing for Littlefinger, I’m not sure it’s in the books, but this tv series is just instilling within me a deep love for watching characters who hate each other force themselves to have a polite conversation riddled with barbs and sly insults. It’s SO MUCH FUN.

– WHAT have they put Natalie Dormer in. She’s been swallowed whole by that dress. “The marriage of a wealthy girl always breeds interest, if nothing else.” BURNNN.

– I love the world-building for the series, both book-wise and in the TV series; the details of the world are the best. The Garden of Bones indeed.

– HELLO ARYA AND GENDRY AND HOT PIE AND HARRENHAL oh god Harrenhal is a dump. An amazing dump. “What’s that smell?” “Dead people.” Arya’s already totally at ease with death. And this is clever plotting, having the events in the village with the torture/interrogation happen at Harrenhal. Wonderfully done, again, because EVERTHING IN THIS IS. And Arya’s little prayer, seen from above, as if the gods are watching. But she’s only a little girl, and that list gets longer.

– Oh my god they’ve put Cat and Littlefinger in the same room after his betrayal of Ned in S1 AND SHE’S DRAWN A BLADE ON HIM oh I used to not like Cat much but now I’m all hearts for her. “Both girls are healthy and safe, for now.” We all know he can’t be trusted, even when he’s declaring love for her, because he says crap like that. She knows he can’t be trusted because he misled her husband and Ned died as a result. But oh dear. Oh dear. He hits below the belt by praising Robb, and then even worse by giving her back Ned’s bones, because holy crap that not playing by the rules, that’s playing with her emotions. You bastard, Littlefinger. You’re awesome, but you’re a bastard. I hate how this isn’t Cat’s idea and decision any more; but at the same time, it makes sense, and it’s worth that scene where Cat gets to be angry again and Littlefinger gets to be shady some more.

– Garden of BONES yes very good. Also hello Ned, nice to not see you again, wish it were in better circumstances.

– Oh wow, rats! Steel bucket! Flames! What a torture scene. THANKS GUYS. REALLY. That’s just SO unpleasant.

– YES Renly, Stannis, Melisandre, Davos and Cat having a bit of a chat, this will be all pleasantries and compliments, won’t it! Oh, wait.

– So here’s the issues of families rearing its head again. Cat’s comment about how Renly and Stannis are behaving shows her love for her own family, and her utter trust in the emotional ties between her children – even though she and her sister are so distant from one another, and she’s rejected Jon so completely. “Would you believe,” says Renly, bitterly, “I loved him once.” Which makes next week and the ramifications of what is ultimately weakness on Stannis’ part all the worse. Much as Cat wants to believe otherwise, her family unit isn’t the best, and it definitely isn’t the most secure any more.

– It’s a little thing but Carice van Houten’s delivery of “the night is dark and full of terrors” thrills me every time.

– The Qarth plot I always found very weird in the books so I’m so interested in how this will go down onscreen. At any rate, I am glad as hell that Dany’s wanderings in the desert are over for the time being, because it’s a bit tedious and they’re a bunch of fab actors so they need something to do other than look hungry, stressed and smudged in bright sunlight. And OH GOD loved it, but of course I would, because those Thirteen were freaky cool and Xaro marvellous and the moment where the gates opened to the city was the best moment of special effects in the episode partly because of Dany’s expression of delight and satisfaction and RELIEF. Emilia Clarke does “angry” very well.

– GENDRY. God they actually had me worried for a minute there. Also: Charles Dance does the best Acting From A Horse In Armour. It’s quite splendid. He radiates imperiousness anyway, but on a horse, in armour, he’s unparalleled. Tywin meeting Arya and complimenting her for being smart and meaning it is just… it’s so perfect. And he doesn’t want just anyone for his cup-bearer, he wants the smart girl. Tywin likes people around him to be clever. You can see why Cersei is so determined to be like him, and how massively she’s failing – and you can easily imagine she never got told she was smart, not he just did to a stranger, a little girl in handcuffs. And clever villains are the most terrifying and the best sort of villains to have, really, from a reader/viewer perspective. Clever villains are obviously shit if you’re the hero.

– The complete and utter disgust with which Lancel treats Tyrion is hilarious given they’re cousins, Lancel is shagging Tyrion’s elder sister, and Tyrion is in all ways his superior. Talk about strong family ties. And then that moment of shock as Tyrion gets to the heart of the matter, which he dismisses as trivial because it’s Tyrion, and Tyrion is trivial in Lancel’s eyes. And then the utter panic as Tyrion’s all “dude, I get the jist, quit playin'”. “It’s not my fault!” he bleats, in a scene that is a classic Tyrion take-down and he strops out and has tears in his eyes and GUYS IT’S GLORIOUS. “Wait here,” he deadpans, “His Grace will want to hear this.” You troll, T. Iloveyou. Lancel’s exasperated face as he rubs the bridge of his nose, defeated, recruited, is a marvel.

“I could swear that I have not harmed a single hair on his head, but that, strictly speaking, wouldn’t be true…” TYRION’S LINE OF THE NIGHT

“Cleaner ways don’t win wars.” For all he’s a rigid, humorless ass of a man, Stannis is desperate. He’s all for rules when they work for him but the numbers are against him, so he’s fine with breaking the rules using some dirty tricks. Davos is a genuinely good man doing questionable things for his king, and Liam Cunningham gets his inner conflict dead on. Stannis is insecure, at heart, and so he has no problem doing bad, bad things to make things “right”. The lesser evil, to him, but the greatest thing about this show is how it shows that there’s no one true king, no one true way, no one truth, no one good. The Starks want to kill Lannisters, Lannisters want to kill Starks, Baratheons want to rip each other apart, the Greyjoys are a simmering mass of resentment, Bolton wants to flay a bitch, and Dany just wants to kill everyone – and we end up rooting for all of them in some way (except Bolton, obv). So Stannis thinks he’s right and will do anything he can to do that – even though it’s bad from almost every other perspective. But he’s so sure he’s right. And he’s an ass.

– Melisandre’s darkest moment so far, and it’s so well done I’m full of glee even though it’s, well, a demon birth. Hey, Cat’s a mum to real children, even Cersei’s children are human even if Joff’s a monster, while Mel is mother to the CREEPIEST DEMON SHADOW THING EVER. Obviously good things will happen now. OBVIOUSLY. Because when you give birth to demon shadow babies RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS OCCUR.

Next week is “The Ghost of Harrenhal”. Maybe my prediction of rainbows and unicorns is a bit premature.

Game of Thrones season 2 Episode 1: “The North Remembers”




I.E., come back later. I will save all the juicy bits for you, I swears.


The problem with Game of Thrones in a tv series format is that, unlike the books, your doses of it are rationed, wrapped up in adverts and divided into chunks that are delivered to you on a schedule you can’t change. I’m re-reading A Feast For Crows and last night, at 2am, I was having incredible difficulty putting the book down and going to sleep because I just didn’t want to stop reading no matter how tired I was – and now I’m on the verge of re-watching the first episode of Game of Thrones season 2 (or episode 11 as it is) having only watched it a couple of hours ago. It’s so moreish and addictive you just want to immerse yourself in it, but you CAN’T, because you have to WAIT.

And oh GOD I don’t want to wait. I want the entire series put before my eyes right now. You’d expect season 2 of a returning big-hitter show like Game of Thrones to have a few pacing issues, seeing as returning characters have to be juggled with new ones and new settings join the old, but at no point does it misstep or feel uneven or off, not even a bit. It’s so finely tuned that I was shocked when the credits rolled, not just because of the shocking events (truly, this series knows when to hold back and hint, and when to just bludgeon you over the head with the nasty) but because I thought it was barely halfway through. How does it do that? It’s annoying. I’m desperate for next week now, desperate!

What do we get for our hotly-anticipated first hour in Westeros since the events at the end of the first series? Well. WELL.

We see Sansa in the lion’s den, practising the only self-defence she has, using it to save a drunken old fool; we see the dark and delightful Melisandre vamping around the new setting of the storm-blasted Dragonstone, a shadowy castle steeped in the history of Westeros, in a brilliant atmospheric scene of the Seven Gods being burned on the beach. For the night is dark and full of terrors.” We see how Cersei deals with her revolting son Joffrey and how Cat deals with her far more noble son Robb, and the differences between them, and the similarities as each mother tries to control her son and in turn is controlled by them. We see Tyrion vs. Cersei, a bout of verbal sparring that made me love Tyrion even more (how this could be I do not know, I thought I loved him too much already), and we see Littlefinger vs Cersei, in a bout of verbal sparring that causes her to lash out with actual violence. “Knowledge is power.” “Power is power.” We see Jaime in chains, Robb standing tall, and the huge CGI direwolf Grey Wind who runs at his side.

For a re-introduction to the world, the characters and the plot, it’s meaty and layered and rich, like the very best pie. Most pies don’t come laced with death, however.

Who orders the deaths of Robert’s bastards? We’re led to think it’s Joffrey, but I think it’s different in A Clash of Kings. They’re brutal scenes, absolutely gut-wrenching in a way that completely evaded me in the books. In hindsight it’s all there – I remember it as just a few throw-away remarks – but the ramifications of the order aren’t gone into in the text. On screen it’s horrendous, a fitting way to begin a series that’s going to be all about the brutality that men do one another. Let’s face it, the whole of Game of Thrones has always been about that, with Sansa (and, later, Brienne) filled with dreamy idealism about the goodness of man, while the steady ruination of it all makes it clear the world’s a nasty place and she needs to be strong to survive it. But those children aren’t, and it’s a hard, harsh world, and it’s a stunning way to reiterate that point after the drama of the first season.

And there, at the end, the little ray of hope – Arya, who Cersei’s spent the episode looking for, and Gendry, who is being hunted down like the rest of Robert’s bastards to be slaughtered. There they are, trekking up the Kingsroad towards the Wall, away from the rat’s nest that is King’s Landing, away from all the politics and danger and bloodshed–

–oh, wait. We know better than to assume that, don’t we?

Damnit, I don’t want to wait for next week!